things to think about

I told myself I would not do this, but I can't stop thinking about it. And since I have missed my exits on the freeway three times, I decided to just write it out to get it out. Trying to figure out what is wrong/bothering Shyloh is pretty pointless, she can't tell me, and I can only speculate. I appreciate all the comments and insights, and they are definitely something that I considered. So here goes. . .

Change in food

At the other barn Shy was being fed hay, grass pasture, and barn grain. She pretty much got as much hay, grass, and grain as she wanted since she was at the top of the herd. I fed her the supplements I give her (magnesium, raspberry leaf, and multi vitamin crumbles) when I was at the barn, since the barn was unable to separate from the herd to give them to her. I would say I was at the barn about 3-6 days a week. 

At this barn Shy has grass and round bale access. She gets her supplements daily. 

So could it be the supplements? I can't imagine this kind of behavior from a lack of grain, it is usually a problem with too much grain. 

Change in herd

At the other barn Shy was top of the herd. She ate what she wanted, went where she wanted, and could move other horses off when she wanted. 

At this barn, I am not quite sure where Shy fits in yet. She can hold the others off of the round bale if she wants, but sometimes they don't let her at the bale. 

She seems comfortable here, but maybe she is lacking the confidence that she had when she was top of the herd? Also, she may be getting a little herd sour. She doesn't want to leave them and she nickers when she sees them. Shy rarely nickers. 

Less doing nothing time

At the other barn, we did spend a lot of time walking around, through the trails, grazing, and just doing nothing.

At this barn, I have been leaving Shy in with the herd until I want to do something with her. 

Maybe she needs that do nothing time to be comfortable?

Those are really my top three. I don't think she needs less work, we don't really work much. She may need more work or harder work. The work we do does not even put her in a sweat. So maybe harder work? Pull more weight? Or maybe more intellectual work. Get back into clicker training and even try some horse agility stuff. Other thoughts are that maybe Shy is only comfortable driving team? She does really well in a team. She is more nervous by herself. She also does really well with my lead line kids. She feels more comfortable with someone on the ground with her. Like I mentioned earlier. . . so many possibilities, I will never know the answer. 

I spent some time with Shy today walking through the soybean fields and discovered that Shy loves soybeans! Then we spent some time cooling off in front of the fan. It was a good day, even if it doesn't solve the problem. 

Also, She Moved to Texas is going a Horze halter give away! Head on over and check her out!

i'm a mess inside

I could sit here and write that I harnessed Shyloh up and hooked up the sled with a 50 pound bag of bedding pellets, took Shy for a line drive around the property and Shy did pretty good. I could sit here and write that Shy seemed a little jumpy but worked through it, she listened extremely well, and we had no attempted take offs. I could sit here and write that Shy gave me a decent line drive and we ended on a great note. And all of that would be true. It is what we did today. And it is what I would normally write about because I do my best to stay positive. 

But I really can't get over the fact that we have not moved forward in our training, but backwards. We started out the show season with such greatness. We were driving in the cart classes and doing so well for us. Even after the run away cart incident, Shy was able to bounce back quickly and we were able to hook and drive her the following weekend. 

Still a goof

But after this last attempted run away with Beth, Shy seems so nervous and tense and jumpy. I can visibly see her clench her muscles and twitch from whatever she thinks is coming. You can just feel the tension in the air. I spent a long time after her harness was on just talking to her, hoping to ease her mind a bit. Then I spent the whole line drive talking to her. But Shy still had her moments. She does this "spook", which I call the Fred Flintstone. . . her legs move so quick, but she doesn't go anywhere. And she doesn't spook at the traffic, semi trucks, cars, or motorcycles speeding down the road. She spooks at un-normal things, like she thinks I sound mad behind her or she thinks she did something wrong. Those are the things that just send her falling apart and into hyper-tense mode. I feel we have just fallen so far backwards. 

I know she CAN do it. . .

Then I start to question myself. The what ifs (that never do any good anyway). . .

What if Shy doesn't have whatever it is that is needed to be a driving pony?

What if all of these incidences are her way of telling me she doesn't want to do this?

What if she will always be unreliable and too scared to drive?

What if she can't be be "fixed"?

What if. . . ?

But why does she get herself so worked up?

So, after a long drawn out discussion with myself about my feelings (something I tend to ignore most of the time), I came to the conclusion that I am sad, frustrated, discouraged, and a wee bit depressed about this. Compounding on the really crappy time that Shy decided to unravel is a bunch of other personal stuff going on, which makes it that much worse. My favorite get away and coping skill is getting me down and sending me spinning into a frenzy. Why Shy? I can almost see why people choose crack, almost. I have tried crying, but I just can't do it. I think it might make me feel better, kind of a release, but the tears don't come. I am just really at a loss with what I should do. There are many options: send her to training (where? none in the area, plus money is an issue right now), sell her (um, no), have her be an expensive pasture pet (I'd rather not), find another discipline (perhaps), or keep on keeping on. I don't know. I am not looking for answers, just trying to get my thoughts out and document where I am right now in this journey. But, I guess it's not an adventure if it doesn't have some rough spots, right? I am certain that we will get through it, but right now I just feel that I am in a whirlwind of emotion. Ugh.

say what? and party animal!

I received a comment from this post the other day that stated it seems that I have a lot of natural ability and natural instincts! Whoa! This blew my mind, seriously. In my mind, I have no idea what I am doing. I read a lot of stuff, but everything tells me to do something different. So what I read and hear from others I have to weed through and pick what I believe is best for Shyloh and myself.

I also need to give credit where credit is due. I am surrounded by amazing horse people! Some of these people have grown up around horses, shown horses, and just have horses running through their blood. These are the people with the natural instincts and knowledge to me! Some of the other people have had their horses for a few years. They are much further than me on their horse journey, but they still are learning. And other people are just beginning in horses. Their love of the animal and quest to learn everything they can motivates me to do the same. Of course, I will admit, no one is as green as me! So I want to give a shout out to all my friends, old and new that have gotten me into horses and have helped me on my journey. Thanks for putting up with my greenness and sharing your knowledge with me!

Back to that comment. . .as I've mentioned before, I did not grow up around horses. I have spent my adult life working with children with autism, working in a residential care facility (medium secure lock-up) for girls who have been sexually abused, physically abused, or neglected, working in foster care, and now as an advocate for families whose children have been sexually abused, severely physically abused or neglected, or have witnessed violent crimes. I have also learned a lot about training dogs. 

So, most of my background is in behavior and behavior modification and using positive reinforcement to get the behaviors that are desired, mainly in children/teens and a little bit in dogs. Children and dogs are actually quite similar. But a horse is different, being a prey animal. So, I really appreciate the comment from Deanna at My Country Genes, but I just want to say that I have no idea what I am doing!

And that is what makes my adventures with Shyloh so fun! We are learning together as we go. I am learning how to be a horse-woman and Shy is learning to trust people and me. I am kind of doing things my way, but taking advice from all the wonderful people that know much more than me. Everything I do, I believe that it is in Shyloh's best interest. It makes me feel accomplished to hear people around the barn remark how Shy is improving and just doing much better in general. And I wanted to thank anybody who takes time to follow us along our adventure. . .I am sure that mistakes will be made, but that is where the most valuable lessons are learned!


As for Shyloh. . .it seems that she really did have a party in my absence! He halter and lead rope were dragged through the mud. She must have pulled it over the fence and had a good old time with them. She even managed to bend the clasp so that i had to get pliers to straighten it out to put it on her! And then there was her fly mask. . .Beth had said that at one point, she had an ear through the forelock hole and her other ear was out of the mask completely. SMH, silly pony!


But a giant leap in progress was made today!! Shy let me walk up to her with no treat! Several times! With a lead rope and halter in hand! I think we have finally gotten to a point of trust! Although, I did attempt to clean her udders today and she cocked her leg at me. Baby steps, though. . .

I need more, non-grazing photos of Shyloh! But it is hard when I am at the barn by myself! I promise others to come soon!