panic attack

"Let's go on a trail ride," they said.

"It's super simple, just up the road," they said.

"You will be fine," they said.

"We will be in front and behind you," they said.

So I agreed. It was hot, Shyloh was in a great mood, and I had just hopped up on her bareback in the round pen and walked around a bit. I tacked her up while Jaime, Kyle, and Terry tacked up their horses and got ready to go. I had visions in my head of us walking down the street and through the seasonal road that we were going to take. It was actually quite perfect and nice. Then, I mounted Shy and my heart started beating hard.

In the realm of All Things Scary, this has got to be the least scary thing there is, right?

Off we went. . .well, off they went. Shy wanted nothing to do with walking down the drive way. In fact, she walked me right up to the mounting post. I told them, maybe I'll just head out back instead, so they came too. Halfway down the back driveway, my head started spinning, I was hyperventilating and I had to hop down. I was having a panic attack. For no reason.

Prepare for random photos of Shy eating things. . .Low hanging branch of the mulberry tree

Shy was not being bad and Shy was not feeling tense. She was testing me and sensing my hesitation. She was not walking forward but planting herself in one spot. It's like she knew I was not mentally ready and she was protecting me from myself. 

"Get back on," they said.

"You will be fine," they said.

"Make her do what you want," they said.

"She is playing you," they said.

Clover

So I got back on. But I was a wreck. For no reason. I walked her back over the bridge then got off. I just couldn't do it. My head was spinning. I told Jaime, Kyle, and Terry to go on their trail ride and I would stay back. Once they left, I cried. I can't even remember the last time I cried.

Then I did some serious thinking. What is wrong with me? Shyloh did nothing to make me react like that. Should I sell her and get an ancient horse to ride around on? No, I think I would still be that same way on another horse. It is not Shy, it is me. It is all me. I feel if she did do something, I wouldn't be able to control or stop her. I feel that I don't have the tools I need to feel comfortable taking her out.

Then I got mad at Shy. Look at her, standing in the far corner, napping in the sun, like I didn't just have a major panic attack. I wasn't like this before her. Why did she make me this way? But, quickly getting back to reality really, it is not her fault. It is mine. 100 percent.

Is it weird that the better she is, the worse I am? Shy has given me no reason for months to even feel the way I did.

Corn. . .

I put a lot of work and time and effort into Shy on the ground. She has made some great progress on the ground. Hell, she has even relaxed under saddle. I have gotten worse.  I rode her more when she was tense and scooty than I have been while she is relaxed and in a good place in her head. I had a serious talk with Terry on the way home and I think we may have a solution. I'll keep you posted. . .

Also, Shy being super attractive. . .as usual

***And don't forget about the Guess the Breed Contest for a chance to win something from Two Horse Tack! ***