panic attack

"Let's go on a trail ride," they said.

"It's super simple, just up the road," they said.

"You will be fine," they said.

"We will be in front and behind you," they said.

So I agreed. It was hot, Shyloh was in a great mood, and I had just hopped up on her bareback in the round pen and walked around a bit. I tacked her up while Jaime, Kyle, and Terry tacked up their horses and got ready to go. I had visions in my head of us walking down the street and through the seasonal road that we were going to take. It was actually quite perfect and nice. Then, I mounted Shy and my heart started beating hard.

In the realm of All Things Scary, this has got to be the least scary thing there is, right?

Off we went. . .well, off they went. Shy wanted nothing to do with walking down the drive way. In fact, she walked me right up to the mounting post. I told them, maybe I'll just head out back instead, so they came too. Halfway down the back driveway, my head started spinning, I was hyperventilating and I had to hop down. I was having a panic attack. For no reason.

Prepare for random photos of Shy eating things. . .Low hanging branch of the mulberry tree

Shy was not being bad and Shy was not feeling tense. She was testing me and sensing my hesitation. She was not walking forward but planting herself in one spot. It's like she knew I was not mentally ready and she was protecting me from myself. 

"Get back on," they said.

"You will be fine," they said.

"Make her do what you want," they said.

"She is playing you," they said.

Clover

So I got back on. But I was a wreck. For no reason. I walked her back over the bridge then got off. I just couldn't do it. My head was spinning. I told Jaime, Kyle, and Terry to go on their trail ride and I would stay back. Once they left, I cried. I can't even remember the last time I cried.

Then I did some serious thinking. What is wrong with me? Shyloh did nothing to make me react like that. Should I sell her and get an ancient horse to ride around on? No, I think I would still be that same way on another horse. It is not Shy, it is me. It is all me. I feel if she did do something, I wouldn't be able to control or stop her. I feel that I don't have the tools I need to feel comfortable taking her out.

Then I got mad at Shy. Look at her, standing in the far corner, napping in the sun, like I didn't just have a major panic attack. I wasn't like this before her. Why did she make me this way? But, quickly getting back to reality really, it is not her fault. It is mine. 100 percent.

Is it weird that the better she is, the worse I am? Shy has given me no reason for months to even feel the way I did.

Corn. . .

I put a lot of work and time and effort into Shy on the ground. She has made some great progress on the ground. Hell, she has even relaxed under saddle. I have gotten worse.  I rode her more when she was tense and scooty than I have been while she is relaxed and in a good place in her head. I had a serious talk with Terry on the way home and I think we may have a solution. I'll keep you posted. . .

Also, Shy being super attractive. . .as usual

***And don't forget about the Guess the Breed Contest for a chance to win something from Two Horse Tack! ***

we did it!

Two in one day, but when I wrote the other post, I had no idea what the day held for me. I got a text from Jaime near the end of my work day asking if I was ready to move Shyloh today. Like now. Whoa!

Yes!! For many reasons, I wanted to leave Shy's home of over a year now. I didn't feel comfortable going to the barn since I said I was leaving. But I wanted to spend time with my horse. 

So I rushed home, rushed to the barn, packed up my tack, grabbed Shy from her pasture (I was surprised she was out today!), and led her to the trailer.

After I loaded everything into my car. . .

All Shy's worldly possessions crammed into bags, buckets, and bins.

I walked out, haltered Shy, and took her away. I almost started crying (and I am not a crier) as I was leading her through the pasture. And of course, she was in the back. So we had to walk all the way through and I was thinking as I led her to the gate. . .This is the last time I will ever walk Shy out of here, I am ripping her from everything she knows and her buddies. 

It was sad. Once I got to the driveway, I started running with Shy. She trotted with me around the bend. I felt like we were breaking free! It felt good for a second. 

Then Shy stopped. She realized that she was about to leave the property. . .her home, which she loved. Then it was a fight up the driveway to the trailer. A few steps, stop, a few more steps, stop. I wanted to break down at this point. It was clear Shy did not want to go (I really know, she was just being barn sour, but hey, I was emotional). Once we got up to the trailer, Shy stepped right up and off we went.

Once we got to the new barn, Shy stepped off the trailer and I put her in a paddock next to the little herd she will be in. Apparently, the obese Haflinger in the herd is top horse, but there was one mare that kept kicking at Shy through the gate. Shy took it all in stride, didn't strike out in any way, but never stepped back from the fencing. Good girl, standing her ground! Shy was very interested in Tony, the donkey, too.

The barn manager said I could put Shy in the herd tomorrow, when I get off work. So for the night, Shy was given a paddock with a shelter. She was really taking it all in stride, and only called out once when I was leaving because she was looking for other other horses. This paddock was not next to the herd pasture. 

I wish I had photos, but everything happened so fast today. Tomorrow I will have some for sure! I have to say, I am a little bit scared, but much more excited for us!

Oh yeah. . . and the Detroit Tigers are going to the World Series! Sweeeeeep!